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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24732634">Can I See Your Eyes?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DanganronpaV3 - Fandom, danganronpandrv3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Opening Up, Tension, bro theyre just sad teens trying their best, endings good but kaito still has some stuff to work out, kaito just let people help u man, pog in the chat, rebirthluminatedfic, the title is a song lyric lolol, they lowkey fight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:55:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24732634</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaito never lets anyone care and Shuichi isn't having any of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>175</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Can I See Your Eyes?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is lowkey just me venting through Kaito hhhh i hope this isnt too long/short<br/>also inspired by the song Surf Curse - Freaks and Nattoppet - Detektivbryan</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a Friday night, and you probably have a few ideas of where that could go.</p><p>Shuichi's uncle had let him have the house to himself for the night, as he had friends from out of town to see. </p><p>"No girls, Shuichi." His uncle teased him as he fixed his jacket in the mirror near the door. He was a pretty round guy, but was definitely one of those uncles who were just a lot of fun to be around. True to the description, Shuichi chuckled softly at his uncle's words.</p><p>"I promise, Kaito's coming over anyway, remember?" Shuichi pointed out. His uncle nodded with a long "Ohh yeah right." He was always a little.. hesitant when Kaito came over, just solely based off the one time he came over and the whole house smelled of burned fries. Shuichi still felt bad that Kaito took the blame and apologized when it was really Shuichi who was too busy laughing at Kaito losing his shit over a video game and let the food burn, but it happened way too long ago for Shuichi to own up to it now. </p><p>He smiled to himself and absently played with the fabric of his sweater as he remembered how Kaito had to calm him down, telling him that his uncle probably wouldn't mind too much but ultimately convinced Shuichi to let him take the blame. He snapped out of it when his uncle cleared his throat and checked himself out in the mirror once more before grabbing the car keys from the little bowl near the coat rack, "Alright well, I'm out of here, don't let anything get out of hand!" He gave Shuichi some finger guns before leaving. </p><p>Shuichi waved and briefly told him to have a good night before the door closed and he was left there to just smile a bit. He was excited for Kaito to arrive in half an hour, he had some time to set some things up. He started out with doing just a small tidy around the house, then his room. He was putting on some shoes to take the trash out when a knock was heard; making Shuichi perk up. </p><p>"Coming! Hang on!" He called as he put the shoes on, heaving the large garbage bag over his shoulder and running to the door as carefully as he could. He opened the door to reveal his best friend. </p><p>Kaito stood there in a purple sweater and grey sweatpants, he had a black backpack on filled with what he assumed was video games and snacks. </p><p>"Hey Shuichi!" He grinned and waved, then saw the garbage bag, "Throwin' out the trash?" He asked, getting a soft laugh and a nod from the shorter one. </p><p>"Yeah, walk with me?" Shuichi asked as he readjusted the bag with a grunt. Kaito agreed and they were on their way after Kaito put his bag down. Shuichi ended up nearly dropping it and Kaito carried the bag for him after that, almost effortlessly slinging it over his shoulder and walking with Shuichi to the dumpster. Shuichi opened it up and Kaito tossed it in, then Kaito playfully jabbed Shuichi in the side and said "Race ya" before bolting back to the house door. </p><p>"Hey!" Shuichi laughed and bolted after him. Of course Kaito got there first, but he laughed with Shuichi when they stood outside the door. "Nice race," He ruffled Shuichi's hair and opened the door, hearing Shuichi snort a little as he followed, fixing his now messy hair. </p><p>-- </p><p>It was a few hours later and the boys were now cooking together. It was a simple recipe they both believed they could pull off. Chicken fingers and fries, homemade chicken fingers at that. Shuichi knew they had the stuff for it since his uncle made fried food a couple times. Kaito was in charge of breading the chicken strips while Shuichi put the fires in the oven and set a timer this time, and after he was done with that he was putting the breaded strips into the hot oil, watching them immediately start cooking. </p><p>"Did you set a timer this time?" Kaito asked as he breaded the last one, looking at his messy hands, He smirked to himself and turned to Shuichi, playfully threatening to touch him, "If you didn't, you're gonna get gross, bro."</p><p>It turned into one small laughing fit as Shuichi avoided Kaito's hands, repeatedly pleading for the other to wash his hands until Kaito agreed with a laugh. With music playing, this was really nice. Just the two of them together having a good time. Shuichi hadn't realized that a minute passed of him just smiling to himself, and Kaito bumped him with his hip.</p><p>"You good, man?" He asked in a kinda soft voice, it was comforting. There was a time when him and Shuichi were out at a mall at its busiest hour, so it was kinda crowded and Shuichi basically shut down; he'd never been good with crowds and kaito had to take them outside so he could breathe. It took a while but Shuichi eventually thanked Kaito and got a bro hug in return with a "No problem, man."</p><p>"Oh- Yeah, I'm fine, just thinkin'." Shuichi shrugged, blushing a little with a grin. Kaito hummed, now gone to check on the chicken fingers, "You're pretty good at that."</p><p>--</p><p>They ate their food as they watched a movie. Kaito was being called a weirdo for never seeing Megamind before by Kokichi, so Shuichi suggested they watch it tonight. </p><p>"Girl's don't like you, Hal! Leave her alone!" Kaito boo'd at the screen when Hal was being weird, making Shuichi laugh softly. </p><p>"Yeah, Hal's uh.. something else." </p><p>--</p><p>After the movie, Kaito had a small review of "I've been missing out." </p><p>Now it was them just talking, Kaito kinda complaining how Kokichi kept getting on Maki's nerves purposefully. </p><p>"It's like, do you have nothing better to do? Like, yeah, I believe he can change but damn, he's getting on my nerves. It's like he never thinks about how his words mess with people.. he kinda just.. I dunno. I don't wanna give up on him though, but he's always lying and pushing people away. I wish he'd let me talk to him but it's so irritating. His stupid laugh then 'Oh you care about me, don't you, Kaito?'" Kaito ranted, watching Shuichi's LED lights slowly change colour. Shuichi had gotten them as a gift from his uncle since "all the cool kids are getting them." </p><p>Shuichi sighed, "Well, y'know. That's Kokichi," He wished he'd thought on this next part, "Besides, Kaito, you're one to talk." Either he worded it wrong or something but Kaito gave him a small look. </p><p>"What do you mean?" It was written all over his face that Kaito knew exactly what Shuichi meant, but he wasn't gonna admit it. It was like a switch had gone off.</p><p>Shuichi suddenly felt that weird sting of anxiety in his stomach as he looked away, "W-Well, I think it's just kinda funny that you.. y-y'know." Kaito's look got even more confused as he suddenly sat up on the bed, "That I what? I don't push my friends away, what're you talking about, Shuichi?"</p><p>Kaito was his best friend, yes, but he sure could be intimidating sometimes. Shuichi shook his head, "N-Never mind, I think I just misunderstood what you said." He tried to wave it off, but sting turned to nausea as Kaito turned to face him. He looked as if he was going to say something but stopped probably upon seeing Shuichi's eyes. Shuichi had a very distinct glazed over look when something.. scared him. Now it was Kaito's turn to feel a little nervous, dammit. The room's energy was definitely different now. Shuichi had gone quiet and now it was up to Kaito to break the silence. The eye contact broke when Shuichi looked away, and his leg starting to bounce as he seemingly braced himself for Kaito to go off.</p><p>It never came though. </p><p>".. Shuichi..?" Kaito called for his attention, his voice sounded careful. The boys were suddenly walking on eggshells. </p><p>Shuichi looked back over at him, and Kaito's heart kinda tightened. He'd seen Shuichi with this look in his eyes before but it felt even worse knowing it was because of him. </p><p>"H-Hey man, my bad. I think I was the one who misunderstood-" Kaito tried but wasn't expecting Shuichi to cut him off. </p><p>"W-Why do you do that..?" </p><p>"Do.. what..?" </p><p>"That. Th-That proved my point." The only reason Shuichi had this bravery boost was because he knew Kaito was gonna say that, Kaito always did this. It was unhealthy. It was hypocritical. Whenever something bothered Shuichi and he tried to brush it off and apologize, Kaito would tell him not to take that, to say how he felt and stick to it. But here was Kaito, throwing aside his feelings because he scared Shuichi? </p><p>"What do you mean?" Kaito asked again. </p><p>Shuichi took a couple deep breaths before continuing. "Y-You were upset. I said.. something to upset you. And you.." This was harder to do than he thought, "You go against everything you believe in t-to make me feel better. You- You.. It almost makes it feel like you don't take your advice. Like you lie as much as Kokichi whenever it's convenient for you. K-Kaito I don't know how much I can trust your advice if you don't seem to take it either. It's confusing and.. and.." Shuichi needed a minute to think. </p><p>Kaito was quiet, and for the first time in a while, he felt.. vulnerable. It made him extremely uncomfortable, and he wanted to leave. He wanted to go back to his grandparents and not get read like a book. Once the silence went on for a little too long, Kaito got up and grabbed his bag. </p><p>"Where are you going?" Shuichi asked, "I-I'm not done, Kaito."</p><p>Kaito didn't want to admit that Shuichi was right. It irritated him for some reason, having someone act like they knew you better than you knew yourself. Some gross little voice in his head bitterly asked "What do you know about me?" </p><p>"I don't need to be told what's wrong with me, Shuichi." Kaito said bitterly. This wasn't like Kaito at all. </p><p>Kaito nearly left before Shuichi gathered up the courage to put himself between Kaito and the door, "So.. you're just leaving..? M-My best friend is gonna walk out on me because h-he-" Shuichi was damn near hyperventilating, confrontation was something they both knew he struggled with, "he won't take help from anyone. That he'd rather lie and call people out on their own lies i-in the same breath."</p><p>Kaito was silent. Kaito could carry his nervousness better than Shuichi, masking it as irritation. </p><p>".. What do you know about me?" Stupid question, but Kaito was running out of things to say. </p><p>Shuichi took a second, keeping eye contact as he did exactly what Kaito told him to. He stood his ground and said, "I wish I could say the same amount you know about me, which is a lot. B-But.. But you never let me help..! You always lie and talk your way out of letting me in. Your pride is holding you back, a-and I can see that you're scared. But of what..!? You're not scared of me." Time to put all those detective skills he had to use, "You're scared of yourself." </p><p>Kaito felt like he was slapped across the face, and his knees felt weak. He couldn't think of a single thing to say back. He mentally cursed Shuichi's ability to read people. Shuichi spoke again, getting the taller one's attention again. </p><p>His voice was softer this time, back to regular Shuichi. "But.. I don't know why.. I don't know why you'd be scared of yourself. You're Kaito Momota, you're smart, and you're kind.. but you just.. God, Kaito, you have friends too! We're not just sidekicks and you're not some invincible superman! W-We wanna help you as much as you help us, but we can't do that if you pack your stuff and leave every time the possibility of you being vulnerable appears..!" Now Shuichi just sounded sad as he croaked out, "Why don't you let anyone help you?"</p><p>All Kaito could do was manually breathe right now. He'd never actually been asked that. He never realized how much he was holding back until he was caught off guard by his vision getting obscured by welling up tears and an unfamiliar sting in his nose. He needed to sit down. </p><p>"K-Kaito..?" Shuichi caught a glimpse of the tears and feeling his anxiety spike again, watching his once strong friend stumble back on weak knees. Kaito sat himself down on the bed again, thankful the colorful lights changed. The inevitable red of his nose and cheeks weren't visible. He felt like throwing up, he felt touch starved, he felt.. lonely. </p><p>He jumped when Shuichi put a hand on his arm, the gentle touch feeling like hot coals as it burned itself into Kaito's memory. This was the first time he'd felt vulnerable in long time.</p><p>"Kaito.." His friend called his name again and Kaito felt like Shuichi was across the room from him. Ever since the day his real parents never showed up to see him on an arranged date, he swore to himself that he'd never let anyone in again. The world wouldn't get to see Kaito Momota cry ever again. No one would ever make him feel as lonely as they did. He didn't even know their names.. he never worked up the courage to ask his grandparents and he feels like he'd never be able to. The only way he can see them now is through an old raggedy photo he kept under his mattress. </p><p>He hadn't realized how much he was crying until he sniffled and blinked, feeling hot tears roll down his cheeks and his throat just felt like closing. Shuichi was dangerously close to crying seeing one of the strongest people he knew finally vulnerable. </p><p>"Shuichi..?" Kaito's voice was almost at a whisper. It caught Shuichi off guard more than anything. </p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>Kaito's took a deep and shaky breath in, trying to will himself into talking without his voice breaking which would inevitably result in him breaking down. If Shuichi wanted vulnerable, he'd get vulnerable.</p><p>"W-Why.. Why didn't they.." He felt everything come crashing down as he let out a soft sob, his head falling as Shuichi knelled in front of him, "Why didn't they want me? What did i do wrong? I.. I-I-" He was a lost cause when Kaito felt Shuichi pull him into a hug. </p><p>Kaito immediately knelled with Shuichi, both of them just hugging on the floor as Kaito just started crying. </p><p>"I-I dont know why I miss them.. I shouldnt miss them, Shuichi, but I-.. I can't help it.. I'm so.. I feel pathetic.." He felt kinda bad for crying, but his whole body just wracked with them and he couldn't stop. This was so many years of bottled up emotions, like it was a bottle of soda that someone shook and opened. </p><p>"K-Kaito.. don't say that, please.." Shuichi told him, hugging his broken friend closer, "You're not pathetic, you're the strongest person I know, and.. I believe in you, Kaito." </p><p>Kaito just shook in Shuichi's arms. Eyes open wide as they stung and watered. He couldn't really remember the last time someone said that to him. He'd hugged Shuichi so many times before this but this one felt different, he'd never been the one to need this hug. Hearing himself cry was foreign to him but it would be a sound burned into both of their heads now. </p><p>"I.. I don't even know their names.. and.. and I don't know if I'll ever know o-or ever be ready to know.. Shuichi?"</p><p>"Yeah..?"</p><p>"I'm.. I-I'm scared." </p><p>Those words punched Shuichi in the stomach. That paired with how Kaito hugged him closer with shaky limbs broke his heart into pieces.</p><p>"I don't- I don't let people in because," He swallowed the word stopping lump in his throat, "b-because the last time I let that happen, I-I was abandoned. I s-sat there waiting for so long, Shuichi, almost three hours.. they didn't care. It's selfish, I know but I'm so fucking scared."</p><p>Shuichi sat in awe, he knew Kaito was never on good terms with his parents but he never knew it was to this extent. He had a new appreciation for Kaito's optimism, it sounds like it took him a long time and a lot of effort to build. He used caring for others as a coping mechanism to avoid himself..</p><p>"I.. I know you're scared.. but.. when times are hard, you gotta rely on your friends.." For some reason, those words struck an odd chord with him, but he'd stomach it for now. Kaito was quiet, the words hitting him weird too. But.. they did feel oddly comforting. </p><p>"I can't do this at home," Kaito laughed sadly, lacking all humor in it, "My grandpa always said it wasn't okay for me to.. y'know.. t-to cry.." Kaito had a thousand yard stare as he recalled all the things he was conditioned into thinking, along with.. some.. feelings. He fought with himself constantly about them but that wasn't what tonight was about. </p><p>"<em>'Are you a man, or are you gonna keep crying, Kaito?'</em>" He quoted something he was told every time he felt tears threaten to spill. </p><p>
  <em>You're too old to feel like that</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Man up</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Those feelings aren't okay, Kaito</em>
</p><p>"Kaito," Shuichi's voice brought him out of his head.</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"Y-You're hurtin' me, buddy." Shuichi laughed dryly because of Kaito's suddenly tight hold, which immediately changed when Kaito stammered out an apology and pulled away. </p><p>They sat there for a minute before Shuichi spoke up, "Y'know, Kaito.. you can always cry on me.. and.. I'm here for you because that's what friends do. I care about you, and.. your  feelings are important.." He reached up carefully and wiped some tears off Kaito's cheek. That made Kaito visibly soften up and when Shuichi cupped his face to make eye contact, Kaito's heart went wild and he could feel his blush get even worse to the point where his ears felt like they were on fire. He was so touch starved. So affection starved.</p><p>While the eye contact was made, Shuichi's stomach froze up when he realized what this may have looked like but he powered through it. </p><p>"You're important, Kaito. And you have friends you can always rely on.. okay?" He told him with so much sincerity you could choke on it. It just made Kaito tear up again, and once again, he was pulled into another hug.</p><p>Almost half an hour later of crying, Kaito was now just shaking and sniffling on the floor in Shuichi's arms. Their knees hurt and Kaito's voice was rough and broken. They were sat on Shuichi's bed and Kaito looked so numb, but it was a good numb. Way better than crying his eyes out. It was almost visible how much was off his shoulders now.</p><p>"Hey," Shuichi got his friends attention again, "You thirsty?" </p><p>He got a small nod in response so he got up, getting water and some granola bars because crying always took a lot out of him. When he got back up, he gave Kaito his water and snack, then put a blanket over his shoulders. He didn't know why he was being so motherly but Kaito didn't seem to mind being taken care of right now.</p><p>--</p><p>They were listening to soft music as they finished up their snacks and Kaito was first to speak up.</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>Shuichi raised his brows, "It's really not a problem, Kaito, anything for you, okay?"</p><p>That put a smile on the others face, a genuine one since this whole thing started. </p><p>"The same goes for you, you know that." He turned and looked at Shuichi with tired eyes that looked oddly.. wiser.</p><p>Shuichi just smiled back, then checked his phone and wasn't prepared to see 2:48 am, he told Kaito who gave the same reaction. In response, Kaito got up to take his hoodie off and out it in his backpack, Shuichi blushing a little at seeing just a bit of the other's <em>toned</em> body as the shirt had ridden up, revealing quite a bit of V and some oddly endearing tummy hair. </p><p>He turned his head away once Kaito unfortunately pulled his shirt back down. It was time for them to sleep already, since they had other plans for tomorrow too. </p><p>They got settled in Shuichi's bed, both getting their own blanket since Shuichi was a blanket hoarder.</p><p>--</p><p>It was almost an hour later and Shuichi had fallen asleep awfully close to Kaito, who was just.. looking at him. He felt like some walls were broken down tonight, and Kaito was now realizing how bad he was at showing appreciation. He should pay for lunch tomorrow, maybe buy his friend a cool poster.. hmm-</p><p>Kaito's thoughts were cut short by Shuichi letting out a sleepy noise as he turned around and cuddled <em>right</em> to Kaito's chest. Kaito's eyes were wide, and he hoped his suddenly pounding heartbeat wouldn't wake his friend up. He thought of ways to maybe get out of the hold but eventually came to the conclusion that if he tried anything, Shuichi would wake up and it'd be super weird. So.. Why not indulge a little?</p><p>He cautiously let his arm wrap around Shuichi, feeling like he could start sweating at any moment now. Thankfully, he didn't and got into a comfy position. This was fine.</p><p>Shuichi was nice to cuddle surprisingly, even after he put on a hoodie. Maybe Shuichi just got cold easily at night. It was a little weird he went to the bathroom to do that though, but maybe Shuichi was just workin' through some confidence issues? </p><p>Didn't really matter to Kaito right now, because he felt like he could sleep forever right now. He poured his soul out tonight and now was cuddling his best friend. There were worst ways this night could've gone. But for now, Kaito just focused on them as he let his heavy lids close, and soon he was sleeping <em>hard</em>.</p><p>He'd never hated himself more as he realized these feelings weren't leaving anytime soon.</p>
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